Posts Tagged ‘Photography’


Just before dawn yesterday I had one of those very special nightmares where you wake, unable to breathe from the horror, saying to yourself, ‘It’s all right, it was just a dream. It was just a dream,’ before going back to sleep and having the bastard dream resume exactly where it left off. That’s not supposed to happen. It was a classic anxiety dream, the details of which I will not relate because nothing is more boring than other people’s dreams.

H disagrees. He likes hearing about other people’s dreams, presumably because he is a psychologist and it’s some sort of revealing diagnostic tool. Often in the morning he’ll ask me if I had any dreams. I like to answer, with a sad, faraway stare, ‘Once perhaps. But not for years. They’ve all crumbled into dust now.”

I think maybe I’m supposed to ask him back about his dreams, but I rarely do. He tells me anyway, and they seem to frequently feature me being way more fun than I am in real life. (more…)

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NoveltiesphotoWe’re two weeks into the fitness kick here at the House of Gusto and slowly but surely, things are changing for the better. We have been aided by an unprecedented run of good health for the whole family – although obviously having typed that I will return today to seven plagues upon my house.

I have been exercising quite a lot. It turns out the trick to exercise is not trying too hard. Apparently I knew this when I was a child but had forgotten until now. A few weeks ago I came across an old homework book from when I was eight, in which I wrote the following sentence:

‘If it does not rain we are going to have our athletics carnival on Wednesday and I am going to get lots of energy so when the starter goes I am going to be champion of the novelties.’

Now that sentence says a few things to me. It says that my habit of writing overly long sentences goes back a very, very long way. It says my pessimism is deeply ingrained – these good things were only going to happen if it didn’t rain, which it probably would. And most importantly, it says that even at eight I knew that aiming low is the key to exercise success. I was not planning to win a running race. I was not planning to jump the highest or throw a javelin the furthest. I was aiming for ‘Champion of the Novelties’, which I think means things like the egg and spoon race and the sack race. History doesn’t relate how I actually fared at this carnival, but the lesson is one I carry with me today. (more…)

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There’s not a lot of coherent narrative flow going on in my life right now, and so, to reflect that, here are some random observations for you.

1. My granddad used to tell the story of the boy who made a penny each day by not spending a penny to ride the bus, but running behind it instead. We made a fortune on the weekend by not buying a house. That’s how it works, isn’t it? I’m a little bit sad because we did get somewhat emotionally invested in the place, only to have it sell before auction. But it went for way more than it was worth. The buyers got ripped off. And the kitchen was stupidly small and in the wrong place. Bad, dumb house. With the best backyard ever, but still. Bad dumb overpriced house.

2. I am high on paint fumes. The window frames of our flat are being painted, by the slowest painters in history. My baby will probably be born with two heads. But then they do say two heads are better than one.

3. May Blossom is being extremely two at times. Many of those times are when she decides to snatch a toy from another kid. Hilariously, she shouts ‘SNATCH!’, then bounces angrily on her toes, going nowhere for a few seconds, before she lunges, which is a dead giveaway and leads to much failure and frustration from her attempted toy raids.

4. My husband takes nice pictures at night. (See above.) I am so tired at the moment that I don’t even know when these were taken. He could be leading a double life after I fall asleep, for all I’d know. In response to that, he would say ‘I’d like the time to lead a double life.’ Wouldn’t we all.

5. For the first time in my life I have low iron. This may have been a contributing factor in why I fainted halfway through the premiere of the play my brother-in-law is starring in at the moment. It was mortifying. I realised I was going to either throw up if I stayed seated, or faint if I stood up. I chose to get the hell out, in a lying downish position. Iron tablets it is.

6. I am trying to do my US tax (I have dual citizenship so I have to file two tax returns). I hate tax. This is how prefer to deal with tax:

If I can’t see tax, tax can’t see me.

My mother, who is the Patron Saint of Making Her Kids Do Their Tax Before They Get Carted Of To Tax Prison Island (that’s a real place, isn’t it?), spends a lot of time trying to convince me that my method (above) is not as efficient as her method (doing the tax in a timely fashion and without high drama). I’m not convinced yet.

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Willows are weeds and this river bank is heavily eroded, but Hipstamatic makes it all pretty.

Am I in a David Lynch movie? With Hipstamatic, we all are.

It’s time I came out and said what we’re all thinking. My name is Jess and I am an addict. I am addicted to the Hipstamatic iPhone app. As addictions go, it’s a bit lame. It isn’t going to help me break up my family, squander my fortune or destroy my body. All it does is make the photos I take on my phone look old. (more…)

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This past week I have liked: (more…)

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