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Archive for the ‘Fashion’ Category

je-2In a shocking turn of events, I have not written any more of my novel since last week. My idea now seems very slight and unimportant in light of world events. Instead, we have moved back into our house after the renovation, and I have spent most of my time dealing with an existential crisis that has taken root in the rich compost of all the stuff in our house.

I need to cull our belongings. This is a truth universally known. But I am also a sentimentalist at heart. I know how you’re meant to get rid of things: ask do I wear them/use them/need them? Could someone else benefit from them? One or two yeses and out they go. Well, that’s all fine in theory. But in reality? There are more questions than that.

Here are but two of the quandaries I have been wrestling with. Multiply this by a few hundred and you have an idea of why I am not achieving a lot.  (more…)

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baffling

Baffling contraption

As we are wont to do from time to time, H and I have started a small health kick. It’s not a high kick. We’re not idiots; we don’t want to put our backs out. It’s more like the miniature kicks you use to move a school bag to another room when your arms are full of laundry and mail.

Our motivating forces are vanity and pain. We’re not getting any younger. One of us has just turned twenty-one for the second time. And while he doesn’t look much older than the uni student who used to drive a campervan to parties that he was the first time he was twenty-one, his sore back is telling a different story.

As for me, well, I recently read one of my stories live at a comedy club for the first time (you can listen to the podcast here, if you’re so inclined), and let’s just say the official photographs made me look further up the wrong end of the Bardot-Brando Continuum than I’m happy with, jowel and chinwise. And as Presidential Candidate Trump has shown us, bronzer is only going to trick people so far. So, it’s time for action. (more…)

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It turned out that the sparkly dress I bought online and wore to the wedding yesterday was just a dress with glitter glued to it. Not glued to it very well, either. (more…)

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My most excellent friends Nic and Wilf are getting married today! So, in their honour, I present my top ten pieces of wedding day advice.

1. If your dress has buttons down the back with tiny button loops, do them up and undo them a few times before the moment when you are running forty-five minutes late for the ceremony. That is not the time to have your bridesmaid attempt to do them up for the first time. That will lead only to nervous panic and a call made to the seated guests for your bridesmaid’s all-capable mother to come in and help. If said mother is a nurse by training, this may cause mild panic among some of your guests, not to mention to your long-suffering intended who has been standing in front of everyone he knows for the best part of an hour, nervously cracking jokes accompanied only by his brother and his cat. (more…)

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Must dust cat.

To our dear friends whose hen’s and buck’s nights we failed to attend last night, the following conversation is what we were doing instead. Probably for the best we didn’t come, eh? (more…)

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Which of the two following stories is scarier? (more…)

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Because I am having an awesome day, I just read an article online about how Kate Moss claims she will never dress like a wife. Firstly, just plain what? How does a wife dress? I think she means mother here, not wife. Because a wife is still just the same person she was before she married, and can largely get about in the same clothes, doing the same activities.

A mother, on the other hand, in my humble experience of less than two years, is more like the shell of a person. The stretched out, faded version of who she was before she was taken over by a body-snatcher or two. (more…)

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